Life Struggles

Sometimes, life just hit you like  a hurricane, no warning, no time to prepare.  It's so dang hard to even express how I feel sometimes because I have no one to talk to close enough to share some personal thoughts.  

Sometimes, I feel suffocated, I can't breath.  I have bad thoughts that I'm trying really hard to fight and ignore.  I can't be this way.  

I think  if I die, I want to be with people that values me.   It's so tough feeling this way.  I'm not good saying what I want to say, sometimes the only way I could do it is through writing which sometimes I'm not allowed even.  

I feel like a failure when it comes to being a Mom.  Hubby and I raised two wonderful children but I feel like I fail them sometimes.  I 

I know my husband love me, like I love him and I have no problem with him.  He is a loving and supportive husband.  It's the only thing that keeping me to not do the awful thing that sometimes keep popping up in my head.  It is not fair for my husband, he is nothing but support me and love me for what I am.  Thank you hon!  Thank you for keeping me alive.